Welcome, Recent Converts

I had a couple people tell me at the funeral today (a lovely service with a wonderful turnout - thanks to everyone who came!) that they had found my blog. Both made reference to the fact that it's the Ugly Evangelical. I will usually tell you to your face that it's more of a statement on my Evangelicalness. And that's usually true. But there are times I see myself that way physically, so I do appreciate the reassurance y'all have given me there.

But the title really grew out of a thought I had once (at least, I can imagine myself having it, though the original thought is probably long lost to the sands of time). That was "I'm not a very proper Evangelical in a lot of ways." I'm not a "pretty" Evangelical that happily fits most of the stereotypes for that word.

I wasn't always an Ugly Evangelical. I grew up in an Evangelical church from my childhood. I was a Limbaugh-listening, Bible-thumping, World-spurning, Christian-club-attending, Guitar-playing, Young-Earth-Creationizing (it's a reach, I know) Spiritual-Gift-inventorying, I-Kissed-Dating-Goodby-reading guy. Even through most of college, I had a very crisp conforming world view. I remember a friend of mine giving me the sort of shoulder-rub a boxer gets in the corner when at Carrows one night a "different" Christian was talking about Spiritual Gifts in a way that was foreign to me, and she thought I was about to launch into a vital defense on this point of doctrine.

I read the books that were "in" (This Present Darkness, I Kissed Dating Goodbye, Personality Plus, and others made the rounds. I was surrounded by people like me, and getting social affirmation that doesn't come too naturally for me. (Incidentally, the other ugly crops up in my mind though the root cause is probably the fact that my social graces with the fairer sex are rudimentary at best, and the limitation isn't just women. There's a reason I score 100% as an introvert.)

As I got on in my college life, life started throwing me some curves I had not expected. I met wonderful Christians who were solidly Democrats. I met a man who was as into strict Bible Study as anyone I ever knew tell me that the Earth was most certainly very old - not the 6,000 years I had always believed. The Christian activities I was involved with went through periods of upheaval and turnover, and the security that was there evaporated as those of us that were left tried to take the reins.

I will always remember when we had new leaders come in to Inter Varsity. They were hosting a booth at a "meet the groups on campus" function. I had just purchased a back-breaking collection of Bible Study reference books, and was eager to show them off. Strangely, they weren't that interested. Weren't interested at all, in fact.

Through a variety of such experiences, a few things started happening in my life.

• I became more comfortable in the world than sitting in an endless stream of church activities.
• I moved more and more away from my faith in the Republican Party as the bastion of all that was politically good and noble.
• I got tired of church as I had always known it - dominated by a Christianity-for-Christians mentality.
• I lost interest in debating hair-splitting of doctrines, realizing that good and faithful men asking for the guiding of the Spirit interpreting the Scriptures believed utterly different things.

And it dawned on me that I was no longer what I thought was a model Evangelical. On matters of doctrine, church life, and world life I had some noteworthy disagreements on issues that mattered very much to Evangelicals.

But Evangelical still described my worldview on a number of other, important matters. So I was no longer a Pretty Evangelical. I had become an Ugly Evangelical. I thought it a clever name, even. I was shocked to see that nobody had appropriated it yet. I've thought about changing it, but I like the archive of posts I have.

I've blogged for approaching 3 years I believe. Those 3 years span some significant changes in my life, and I don't look back on everything I've said and thought proudly. But I believe it's been honest, and I want to keep it all because I don't think there's anything to gain by whitewashing the fact that I am far from perfect. I struggle, I fall, and I'm in every way very human and I think the past on my blog reflects that. In those 3 years, I've gone through leaving a church I loved (and still love), through heartbreak, through a dark time of seriously doubting God, and on into getting reattached to a church and becoming one of the leaders.

I'm just a 29-year old single guy trying to feel his way through life. I'm fortunate to have a loving family, an inspiring church, persistent friends, and many more blessings I couldn't begin to enumerate in snappy two-worders.

And sometimes, I ramble.

Welcome Aboard!