The Name, Part Three

Uglifier the Third

At the moment, I am approaching 27. I am not old, and have no such illusions. But I am out of college, beginning a career, and have yet to ever go on a date. There are roughly two categories of singles in the world: those who are single by choice, and those who are single for lack of other options.

I do not think I am beyond the theoretical possibility of successfully interacting with a woman, I just have yet to have much luck with it. One thing that has limited my options in the past and will likely continue to do in the future is that I don't want to be in a situation where she is interested but I am not. I have had my own heart broken, and while I do not think of myself as a heartbreaker, I'd hate to leave someone else in that situation. Josh Harris wrote some books on dating, courtship, and a Biblical model for how men and women should interact, and while I would not fall in line with every conclusion that could be drawn from it, I do believe in the principle that we ought to guard each other's hearts. I'd rather be dateless for life than lead someone on, knowing there was no future and thus setting her up for heartache, in order that I might be less lonely for a time. Of course, incurable shyness and the utter inability to think, much less speak, coherently in the presence of a lady might have something to do with it as well.

One thing I gain from feeling like a very out-of-place (at least in my experience in the church) late-twenties single is that I can see how this group is easily overlooked. I have seen many ministries spring from a "I remember what struggles I had at that point in life" heart for service, and that is likely why my church created at the last reorganization a "College Group" and a "Young Married's" group (or class, at least). Not many people have the experience of being single when approaching 30 (now ominously closer than 20), and thus it just doesn't come to mind. I am, therefore, in a good position to speak for those in my shoes and let the chuch leaders, who I admire and respect, know that there is a need, a gap, that could fruitfully be filled.

I have read one good book on the subject, as most seem to presuppose marriage happening sooner or later. I value beyond words a book that does not offer trite answers ("You have so much more time as a single to dedicate to God," "I felt more lonely after I got married when my husband had to go away for a weekend than I ever did when I was single," "God wants you all to Himself") but rather advice from a fellow pilgrim, including answers to advice given with the best of intentions and advice from someone who has encountered the same difficulties.