Islands and Continents

"No man is an island unto himself..."

The Evangelical tradition places a lot of emphasis on the individual and that person's one-on-one relationship with the Almighty. I feel that... far less often than I would like. But many things in my past I have taken, not from my own gut feelings, but from the people around me. Do I have the Spiritual Gift of Teaching? I have been told often that surely I do, but I have more than a few doubts of this. I am often told at work, and more than a few times by my pastor that I am a very positive and happy person, yet for me to feel simple melancholy and not a deeper depression seems like a good day. So who do I believe?

Do I take the word of those who are perhaps a more unbiased observer of me than I am of myself? This is not an unlikely assesment - I have hurt more than a few people by what I felt to be well-chosen words at the time, revealing that my own desire to be (or belief that I belong) on a certain path makes it very easy to find observations and conclusions that will lead to that result. Premise: I will always be single. Observation: I have never been on a date, and am working on my 27th year in life. Conclusion: I am unattractive, perhaps repulsive to women - my very attention could be a undesireable element in their life. Result: I am unable to speak to women, being gnawed at by self-doubt until said prediction comes true.

On the other hand, should my life course be directed by people who do not know everything about me. Most conclusions other people draw are, by their very nature, based on incomplete data. If I choose a positive countenance to avoid the hassle of having to tell people "Well, I'm feeling despondent and lonely because the Valentine's Day advertising push is kicking into high gear" when they ask how I am doing - people will then naturally assume that I am doing well. I can't help but try to read people's body language, and so I try very hard to not send the same "tells" that I notice in others. Meaning - when I lie, I can often do so convincingly if I choose to. But if my facade is what people use to identify me, how can I trust their conclusions?

Trust misplaced is a deadly arrow. But too many people assume that this only means trust in others that is misplaced. But overconfidence in one's self could lead to even more calamitous results.

Who then do we trust?