Friday, January 20, 2006
Worst Day Of My Life
1/19/2006, hands down. It took 12/6/1997 a while to lose its place, and 10/24/2002 has slipped all the way to third. If we have not dreams, what are we but organic machines, existing to continue to exist? But what do you do when your last dream turns to dust in your hands?
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5 comments:
You sound like the movie High Fidelity, ranking your top five big heartbreaks.
I almost take offense at the word "last." It is by no means your last. But I do concede it's your last dream to date. And things that are "last," like good-byes or chances, do choke you with dust. I suspect at some point you'll have to wiil yourself to take your next breath. But breathe, man. Breathe.
Alas, as a part of our automatic refexes, even if I wanted to I could not will myself into not breathing. Most people will automatically gasp for air before even losing unconsciousness. Perhaps a very determined person could hold their breath long enough to pass out, but then once unconscious, your body goes back to doing its job, which is why my High School EMT teache suggested that if a child ever throws a tantrum and threatens to hold their breath until they get their way, simply force them to lie down. Then if they pass out, they won't fall in such a way as to hurt themselves.
I do feel a great kinship with High Fidelity. Except for two things: (1) He was actually in relationships. I can't get a girl to go out with me once, much less more than once. (2) It has a happy ending, where he reunites with the girl that means the most to him; where she realizes just how much he means to her. I usually have to turn off the movie before it gets to that point.
Almost forgot - dreams. Sure, dreams come and go. But in the heat of the moment, I don't particularly want any more dreams. I done the best I could, when everything seemed to be encouraging me to go for it, with one of (if not the) most amazing girls I've ever known. I persevered despite not finding instant success, gave it everything I had, and watched it vanish with "that's sweet."
One might say that a righteous man falls seven times and gets back up. But what if he's meant to stay down?
I don't know what happened, but I think I can guess. I'm sorry. Just keep repeating to yourself: "women suck". I hope you just smiled.
I did, actually. Thanks.
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