I haven't blogged much recently. I haven't been feeling well, but mostly I haven't had much to say. But I find myself unable to sleep, unable to purge the thoughts that bombard my waking mind every moment.
I told a guy recently that the advice I'd offer myself if I were ten years younger would be that when you are interested in someone, ask her out. That your biggest regrets lie not in rejected advances, but in chances never taken. This is a hard policy, especially when one is wont to sit and think, trying to outline every possible scenario but it is lived out in my life now.
In the tale of two women, one a friend, one essentially a stranger I pursued the stranger and not the friend. Now the stranger is dating, and the friend is married. And I regret the later so much more than the former. When I was direct, I received the great blow of rejection. But a direct "no" does wonders for eliminating down-the-road "what-ifs."
With the friend, I am not so lucky. Shortly before she was set up with the man she later married, she e-mailed me recalling a tine we had gone to a waterfall (a short walk that turned into a minor hike when I made a wrong turn), and expressing her desire to do more of that in the upcoming summer.
Shortly thereafter, she became much slower to respond to an e-mail. She let me know how happy she was that I got my new job with the state, and that she was really busy. A litle later she let me know she had been seeing someone "for a couple months." She e-mailed me in early January to ask if I could help her move closer to her fiance, so she could save some money for their upcoming wedding, and I got an invitation to her wedding that I couldn't bring myself to attend.
The best laid plans of mice and men can go to pieces in an instant, and this was no exception. What if... I wish I had said something when I had the chance. Maybe she'd have said "no" too - after all, no one's said yes yet. But I'll never know. All I have left are the images of opportunities I had to ask, taunting me when I close my eyes.
Am I to learn from this? Was it simply the way life goes? Will I receive comfort in my affliction so I may comfort others who face it, too? Why when I begged for guidance did I choose the most barren path, imagining it to be lush? Where do I go from here?
I want to believe this. I'm not certain I can.
Thursday, September 28, 2006
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1 comment:
Junge Leiden!
The sorrows of youth! Alas, I was given to my betrothed in an arranged marriage! She was my third girlfriend, and God picked her out for me, arranged everything! What a good God we serve!
If only the Western, and particularly the American, mindset about relations between the sexes hadn't been so hopelessly bemuddled! This process was well under way when I was courting (I didn't really date) more than thirty years ago. It has continued and is now in its terminal stage, and my four sons, at least the oldest three (from age 21 to 32) are pitifully the victims of it, along with any young women they may have tried to engage in a romantic friendship. I have four unmarried sons, and by now, I should have only one unmarried (my 18 year old), if we lived in an unfragmented, genderly nondysfunctional society. What? Should we all become Muslims so we can get our women fast and free? Duh, well, you can become a Mormon if you like, and at least maybe you'll have half a chance of getting married soon, though I can't imagine you'd be any more happy than if you became a Muslim.
Only groups that have stayed outside the mainstream have avoided the social decay that puts you, and my sons and most young Xtian men I know, in such a confused state about the opposite sex (or the opposing sex, which is what it has turned out to be in many cases). So, there's the choice—become a Hasidic Jew, an Amish or Hutterite, or Mormon, or Eastern Orthodox (maybe), or Muslim—that is, conversion isn't enough, you've got to move geographically too—and maybe you'll have to spend a year or two in de-programming your decadent Western attitudes, duh, yeah right, maybe you'll have better results with choice making in this area, hmm?
This is tongue in cheek, of course. I shouldn't make light of this situation. But really, until a young man thoroughly subjects his flesh and his world view to the mind of Christ, to the Word of God, without reserve, he's going to look for what and who he wants in the wrong way. What of a young man who places his hope in God and follows the call of Christ as I recommend? Does this problem go away? Does Miss Right (or in my sons' case, Miss Orthodox) just turn up? well… YES! But part of the process is you get wiser and your vision improves. You get braver and your hearing improves. You get surer, and your faith improves. In following the Master, He provides the answer. His time, not your time. But it comes. And whether it's marriage or not, it's all arranged, and you are ready for it at the acceptable time.
Why don't my boys just let me pick out their brides for them? They wouldn't waste all that time and money dating (or trying to). The Greek girls are too familiar, but in the end, most of us end up marrying someone who turns out to be just like Mom.
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