True Beauty

It sounds cliche. Enough so that I doubt myself when I think it, because I may in fact only be fooling myself - a curious ability of man to make a decision and then warp reality itself to fit the conclusion. But true beauty comes from inside a person.

I know a guy, and I remember when he first started dating his fiance. The specific conversation is foggy, but he did refer to her as a certain "very beautiful girl." I met her, and my first reaction was to be less astounded than he. Attractive? Sure. But it wasn't until I got to get to know her that I could agree that he has found a special person, and really be happy for him without reservation. I think it is self-evident that she loves God earnestly, and that this spills out beyond a pseudo-intellectual coffee shop debate into her life.

Love for God, manifested in someone's life - this is true beauty. A woman who can worship, pray, and study fueled by a desire to know and come into contact with God. A love for God's people, for God's work, and for a world of people made in the likeness of God. All the more so because I often find my own passion lacking.

This is a significant part of why I never really wanted to date people I didn't know. I wanted to find that kinship, and build from there. I didn't want to be in a position where I would more likely blind myself in order to have companionship. Because really, I often feel desperate. I can usually damp those feelings enough to subsist, but I fear myself in that regard.

So I made a plan, with the best intentions.

And it seemed like a noble idea.

And it, or I, failed miserably.