Things that make you feel like a not-a-person suck. We hate stereotypes applied to us because they are a hasty guess, may well be untrue, and it makes you feel like the person is unwilling to see "the real you," chosing instead a cheap out. To be "used" romantically is both insulting and humiliating - a person you cared about, maybe even loved, only led you along to get what they wanted. They were not concerned for how it would affect you, or if concerned, put their own wants enough in the forefront that no ammount of potential emotional damage to you would hinder them. When most of my friends didn't go to my college graduation, it hurt. The reason most gave is that "I've been to a lot of these. They're boring. They're all the same." But this one was different - it was different because it was mine. It was personal. For this aspect of it to not matter makes one feel like a nameless face in the crowd, a not-a-person, but just a face and a name.
I have read a similar warning when it comes to leadership, especially in the church. The temptation is there to see people as tools, as objects, as cogs you use to fill needed slots to make everything operate. This is deadly. This treats those bought with the blood of Christ as a hammer you get at Home Depot for $2.99. We must remember that these are real people, probably making real sacrifices to help. To treat them as a resource deprives them of dignity, of personhood. It is a temptation for me to reduce people to the utilitarian benefit I derive from them. I need to remember to appreciate them. Thank them. Let them know that they matter, not just for their schedules and availability to run sound, computers, or spotlights, but as friends, as colaborers, as people. To ask them how they are doing, and want a real answer. To share in their joys and griefs. To let them know that they are more than a tool, they are a person.
2 comments:
How deeply does that comment echo the heart of one like myself. I struggled for three years attempting to make a vibrant youth ministry out of a fledging church - all the while feeling a sense of embattlement and pain.
It could have been as simple as a thank you. Offering more to me on my last day than simply, "yeah, he makes great drinks at Starbucks..."
It may have been as easy as a simple knock on my office door to ask how are you really doing?
I don't mean to complain much more than I have in the past few months; nobody's perfect. And yet, I still wonder how much more appreciated I feel at my current job, as worthless as it may be...
Do you suppose we sometimes come across as cold when what we really mean is "I really, really appreciate how much you've done. More than I am able to fit into words." Then, in our discomfort over not knowing what to say, we end up saying something silly like "he makes great coffee."
In my experience, a lot of evangelicals are emotionally constipated, at least at church. We grow up with logical, rational proofs for God and doctrine. We are careful to pray the "right" words, sing the "right" songs, sit quietly and never speak out of turn.
And maybe when we [I] get those compliments, I discount them, disregard them as something the person is supposed to say, not necessarily reflective of what they believe in their heart. To the extent this is true, it is my problem, too.
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