Why I don't belong at (my) church

1) At a Men's Ministry breakfast, organized to gather information from the men of the church and to propose a direction for the ministry, I was asked to share my testimony. I shared briefly how I came to Christ and my past experiences, and focused on the great difficulty that comes with being a young single, never having dated and with great fear of being alone. There were the polite nods, and one man shared that he was glad not to be my age anymore, almost flippantly. When the meeting was over, I quickly left and never attended another such gathering.

2) At a social gathering - a birthday, I think - there was a group of guys within a couple years of my age talking. Mostly married, but I wanted to try to connect to them, searching for a place where I could belong. I was ignored but for one snide comment when I tried to join in the conversation. I don't think I spoke with any of them since.

3) The last time I met with our pastor 2 or 3 years ago, we talked politely about things in my life. I shared about being single, and the difficulty that comes with it. He asked if I was interested in anyone. I told him of somebody, not who he had suspected, and he made me promise to try and call her, using an upcoming event where we both happened to be serving as an excuse, and invite her to something. I did as he asked. I know from experience the sound of someone's voice as they progress from laughter as they answer the phone to a quick suspicion - "why are you calling me?" I rattled off the information the pastor had asked me to pass along, and mentioned that I would be haivng people over to watch a movie. She was, of course, horribly busy but would think about it. Her tone of course said that if there was but one acre of land left on the planet and I was on one side, she would hang off the other side by her fingernails before showing up.

4) At a birthday party for a former college pastor, he surveyed the group of since moved-on people and talked about how the leadership of the group had been interested mostly in promoting marriage and getting people in the group married. Sure enough, most everybody from the college group when I was there was married.

5) The 20-35 year old group is going through a book of the Bible for a Sunday School class. Oh. I'm sorry. Did I say 20-35 year old? I meant Young Married's class. I hear you wouldn't know it from the content, and at best you might ascertain it from the makeup of the class. What do I do during that hour? Surf the internet, read e-mail if I have any, sometimes take a nap in the sound booth.

6) When people get married, the first people to reenter the lives of the couple are the friends of the bride, and any other couples their age. Why? Not sure. But I watched the same scenario for the 4 (and only) guys I have known best before they were married. At least it's predictable.

Jose once used the analogy of trying to imagine what a red dot would feel like if surrounded by only blue dots to explain how a Christian might feel in, say, the Middle East. I am the red dot. But the blue dots are the people around me in church.